Lessons from Grandma

My grandma died on Monday from COVID.

She was the sturdiest, happiest, and most headstrong person I knew. She used to walk around her big house always humming some happy tune while going about her tasks.

When Anastasiya and I first got together, we invited her out for dinner to get her relationship advice (she and grandpa were happily married for 50+ years when he died in 2011).

As a tribute, I want to share that advice here:

1. Be patient: Nothing’s ever gonna be perfect. You’re gonna bump into each other and you’ll discover things in the other person that will frustrate you. Don’t use those things as an excuse to break up or grow resentful. Use them as an opportunity to get to know them better and work through those disagreements. Everything of value takes time to build, relationships are no different.

2. Compromise: Always give more than what you’re asking for. It’s important to know what you need out of a relationship, but it might be even more important to be willing to give your partner what they need. Learn to lovingly compromise.

3. Disagree in private: You might be two individual people with two individual sets of goals and values, and you will disagree on many things, but being married means that to the outside world, you’re a unified front.

4. Forgive fully: You’ll both fuck up. Mistakes will be made and you’ll hurt the other person. But if someone admits to a mistake and apologizes for it and shows the intention to work on it, you need to let the issue go to rest with that. You can’t hold your partner hostage to their previous mistakes. If you forgive, forgive fully.

Lastly—and this is an addition from me—always tell your loved ones that you love them. You don’t know how much time you have left with them on earth.

I know you’re resting now in peace, grandma. Thank you for your wisdom.